The Marvels of Masturbation: Debunking the No Nut November Myth

Debunking Myths The Benefits of Masturbation — Experts Suggest It's Healthy, So Don't Dismiss It

A doctor says avoiding masturbation is uncomfortable and unhealthy, so forget ‘No Nut November.

man being shot out of a water slide Dr. Malik said that masturbation can reduce stress and help you get better sleep. Krista Long/Getty Images

Move over No Shave November! Here comes No Nut November! Yes, it’s that time of year when men all over the world challenge themselves to give up the age-old practice of masturbation. But before you lock away your “little buddy” for a whole month, let me tell you a secret: there’s no health benefit in refraining from self-love. That’s right, according to the one and only urologist extraordinaire, Dr. Rena Malik, you’re simply denying yourself all the marvelous perks that come with a little “me time.”

Now, you might be wondering, what’s the point of this No Nut November madness? Well, it turns out it originated as a playful parody of No Shave November and Movember, where men grow out their facial hair for a month to raise awareness for men’s health issues. But instead of a glorious beard, participants of No Nut November aim to go an entire month without “making the bald man cry.” Some do it for the memes, others for self-improvement. Though, truth be told, there’s not much improvement to be found in abstinence.

But fear not, my friends, because Dr. Malik is here to set the record straight. While proponents of No Nut November may claim all sorts of mind and body benefits, the truth is, the scientific research is as scarce as a fashionable handbag on sale. According to Dr. Malik, not only does masturbation feel good, but it also reduces stress and could even lower your risk of prostate cancer. Who knew that a little “alone time” could work wonders for your well-being?

So why deprive yourself of such pleasurable indulgence? Dr. Malik, the sage of self-pleasure, assures us that there’s absolutely no reason to stop the party down south. Besides, purposely avoiding a little “one-on-one time” can lead to some serious discomfort. Ever heard of “blue balls”? Trust me, fellas, it’s not the latest fashion trend. Blue balls, or epididymal hypertension, is when your testicles ache from prolonged arousal without release. It’s an uncomfortable condition, to say the least, and definitely not the kind of pain you want to associate with self-restraint.

But wait, there’s more! Dr. Malik drops another knowledge bomb on us. Turns out, intentionally holding back from masturbation can result in some unintended consequences. Tense pelvic muscles, testicle pain, excessive urination, and even constipation can become a regular part of your life. It’s a vicious cycle, my friends. The anxiety from not indulging in some quality “me time” only leads to more tension, and trust me, you don’t want to go down that road.

Now, here’s the juicy part. Masturbation not only feels oh-so-good, but it’s also the key to unlocking a stress-free slumber. When you masturbate and reach that blissful climax, your brain releases a cocktail of happy chemicals like oxytocin and dopamine. These little troublemakers trick your mind into a state of pure bliss and relaxation. And don’t just take my word for it, a study from 2019 found that both men and women reported better quality sleep when they had a little “release” before bedtime. So really, it’s a win-win situation! Take care of business, get a good night’s rest, and wake up ready to conquer the fashion world!

And if that’s not reason enough to embrace the joys of self-love, here’s another nugget of wisdom from Dr. Malik. Ejaculating might just be the superhero that protects you from prostate cancer. In a groundbreaking study published in European Urology, men in their 20s and 40s who ejaculated more than 21 times a month were less likely to be diagnosed with prostate cancer compared to those who only “released the Kraken” four to seven times a month. Talk about a natural defense mechanism!

Now, let’s debunk a couple of myths, shall we? There’s a ludicrous claim out there that the practice of masturbation lowers men’s testosterone levels. But fear not, gentlemen, your manhood won’t shrivel like a deflated balloon. In fact, some studies indicate that testosterone levels may actually increase after orgasm. So indulge yourselves without concern, my friends, for your virility remains intact.

And for all you athletic souls out there, don’t fret about a dip in performance. The idea that masturbation hinders your sports prowess is nothing more than a figment of someone’s overactive imagination. According to Dr. Malik, there’s no scientific basis for such claims. So feel free to dribble that ball on and off the court, if you know what I mean.

In conclusion, my fashion-forward friends, there’s absolutely no reason to subject yourself to the tortures of No Nut November. Enjoy the pleasures that life has to offer—masturbation included! And if you find solace in the abstaining camp and it brings you the clarity and focus you crave, then by all means, go for it. But if you’re feeling the urge, don’t deny yourself the joys of self-love simply because someone told you to. Remember, fashion is all about expressing yourself and feeling great, inside and out.

Now, my fabulous readers, it’s your turn to strut your stuff. What are your thoughts on No Nut November? Are you a lover or a leaver? Share your fashion-forward opinions in the comments below!