A Hilarious Misadventure in Meatless Meatloaf

Indulging in a Deliciously Nutritious Meatless Meatloaf by a Loma Linda Nutritionist, the Sole US Blue Zone – and I Couldn't Resist a Second Helping!

I tried a delicious meatless meatloaf by a nutritionist from Loma Linda, the only US Blue Zone, and couldn’t resist having seconds!

Writer Serafina Kenny with a plate of meatless meatloaf topped with cheese, next to a picture of the meatloaf in a metal roasting tin.

Oh, you fashion-forward food lovers, gather round and let me regale you with the tale of my meatless meatloaf misadventure in the magical land of Loma Linda! This little slice of paradise, the only Blue Zone in the US where people live ten years longer than the national average, is home to Seventh Day Adventists who skip the meat and embrace a plant-based diet.

In my quest for delicious and healthy meals that could add some extra years to my fabulous life, I stumbled upon a recipe for a vegetarian meatloaf. Created by none other than the culinary genius and registered dietitian nutritionist, chef Corey Gheen, this delightful alternative sounded like a veggie dream come true.

Now, being a proper Brit, I must admit that I had never experienced the glory of meatloaf. But as an aspiring vegetarian, I couldn’t resist the opportunity to explore new culinary territories. Little did I know that my journey would be filled with unexpected twists and turns, like a fashion show gone awry.

The meatless meatloaf is a fibrous delight, crafted mainly from black and white beans, with the addition of a bell pepper, onion, corn, and salsa. It’s a fiber-packed powerhouse that’ll keep your gut happy and your body thriving. Plus, with the option to swap the egg for a “flax egg,” and ditch the cheese, it’s a vegan’s dream!

However, dear readers, my adventure was fraught with hurdles and comedy. The recipe called for a food processor, but alas, I only possessed a tiny handheld blender. So, I took matters into my own hands, blending each ingredient in small batches and combining them in a comically large mixing bowl. I felt like a fashionista juggling multiple accessories to create the perfect ensemble!

But here’s where the chaos ensued. In my blender frenzy, I went a tad overboard and transformed the beans into a pasty mush instead of the desired chunky consistency. Oops! It was like trying to squeeze into a stylish dress that was two sizes too small. The end result was a dense, bean-y sheet cake rather than a beautiful loaf.

Now, this mishap didn’t discourage me; oh no, my resilient fashionistas! I soldiered on, determined to salvage my concoction. However, the mixture turned out wetter than a runway model in the rain. Desperation took hold, and I added copious amounts of corn flour, bending the rules like a fearless trendsetter. Finally, I spooned this gloopy masterpiece into a roasting tin and sent it on its way to the oven, which became my makeshift catwalk.

The cooking time became a battle against the clock, stretching far beyond the recommended minutes. It was like waiting for the perfect fashion show to start, only to find out the designer was still stuck in traffic! After what felt like an eternity, a knife finally emerged clean from the center of the loaf-cake, and it was time for the grand unveiling.

Let me tell you, my lovely fashion enthusiasts, the taste was far from mundane. It reminded me of a veggie burger, but with newfound pizzazz. It didn’t quite have the mind-blowing flavor I expected, and the texture was more bean than beef, but I swiped seconds like a fashionista snatching up a limited edition accessory.

I admit, my meatloaf both contained and was served with salsa, which made my heart skip a beat. But fear not, for this salsa was a mere whisper beneath the layers of flavor. The meatloaf satisfied not only my hunger but also my daily fiber intake, reminding me of seamlessly mixing patterns and textures in a stunning ensemble.

If I were to make this again, my dear fashion-forward readers, I would turn the mixture into patties and create a vegetarian burger fit for the runway. I even transformed the leftovers into a chic lunch, sliding thin slices into a pita bread with cheese and coriander. It was a catwalk-worthy meal that fueled my vibrant fashionista lifestyle.

So, my darlings, if you’re ready to embrace the glamorous world of meatless meatloaf, I advise you to have the proper equipment and follow the recipe to a tee. But don’t be afraid to add your own signature flair! Remember, fashion and food are meant to be playful and experimental, just like a fabulous runway show.

Now, go forth, my fashion-savvy readers, and embrace the delectable world of vegetarian delights. Until next time, stay stylish, stay fabulous, and keep your taste buds sizzling!