Beware the Waterslide Woes: A Wild Ride for Fashionistas

Beware Cross Your Legs on Disney World Water Slides for Vaginal Safety

Cross your legs on Disney World water slides to avoid vaginal laceration.

Image Source: Woman’s legs and feet going down a water slide by WhitneyLewisPhotography/Getty Images

Ladies and gentlemen, gather ’round as I spin you a tale – a tale of high-speed thrill and fashion disaster. Brace yourselves for the wild waterslide ride that has caught the attention of fashion lovers worldwide. It’s time to dive into the humorous and lovely world of fashion meets water slides!

Imagine this – a woman in full fashionista swing, ready to conquer the plunges and twists of Disney World’s Humunga Kowabunga slide. Little did she know that her fashion dreams were about to be shattered by a merciless attack on her delicate regions. Yes, folks, we’re talking about vaginal lacerations, and the culprit? You guessed it – the dreaded waterslide!

According to legal documents, our fearless fashionista, Emma McGuinness, suffered “permanent bodily injury” during her 2019 ride down the 214-foot-long slide. Vaginal lacerations were only the beginning; she also claimed a hernia that made her bowels do a dangerous wall protrusion dance. Ouch!

But let’s not panic, dear fashionistas. While rare, these water-slide woes can strike, leaving your fashion dreams in tatters. OB-GYN Carolyn Delucia described the range of vaginal lacerations caused by these unpredictable rides – from a mere paper cut to the intensity of an episiotomy. It’s like a catwalk catastrophe for your lady parts!

Believe it or not, McGuinness isn’t the only victim to have ventured into dangerous fashion territory. Similar cases have been documented across the globe, from Jamaica to Australia and even Spain. This fashion epidemic spares no vajayjay!

Now, let me steer you towards some fashion water-slide survival tips. Keep those legs crossed, my friends! It’s time for the ankle-crossing protocol. Think of it as your own high-speed, fashionista-approved dance move. The goal? Prevent that pressurized water from barging into your delicate region like an uninvited party crasher.

But wait, there’s more! Crossing your legs also saves you from the dreaded “wedgie catastrophe.” Loose clothes may find their way into the darkest corners, leading to fashion abrasions, hematomas, and untimely cuts. It’s a fashion nightmare, indeed.

Now, my fellow fashion enthusiasts, let’s not forget that, despite all precautions, risks still linger on the waterslide runway. Delucia warned that even the most fashion-forward sliders are not immune to injuries. It’s the nature of the waterslide game, my friends.

When faced with a potential fashion disaster, remember these words: “If the fashion blood flows beyond 10 minutes, seek medical care!” We’re talking about infection and potential dysfunction here – and trust me, that’s not a trend you want to be caught up in.

So, my dear readers, as you embark on your watery fashion adventure, keep in mind the perils that lie beneath the thrilling slides. Take the ankle-crossed stance, lock in those loose clothes, and fashionably conquer the world of waterslides with grace and ease!

Do you have a waterslide fashion horror story to share? We’d love to hear your daring tales in the comments below!