Healing the Hidden Wound: Navigating the Patriarchal Puzzle with Your Kids

A Psychotherapist and Mother Guides You Through Navigating the Mother or Father Wound Insights and Advice

Psychotherapist and parent shares tips on addressing the mother or father wound.

Child smiling with her mother and grandmother Image by ZQZ Studio / Stocksy

October 2, 2023

Welcome, fashion lovers, to another fabulous installment of Parenthetical, where we embark on a journey through the dynamic, enriching, and sometimes hair-pulling adventure of parenthood. Today, we delve into the mysterious world of the mother wound (or should we say, patriarchal wound) and how it affects our relationships with our little ones.

The “Mother Wound” Unveiled

After giving birth to my first daughter, I was blown away by the endless list of her needs. And let me tell you, it triggered some deep-rooted emotions that made me question my own sanity. Turns out, I had inherited a mother wound, a generational pain and trauma passed down from our mothers. Cue the dramatic music.

But hold on to your fashionable hats, because it’s about to get interesting. Let’s take a stroll through the twisty alleys of the patriarchal arch-nemesis and explore how it affects us, fashionably speaking.

Fashionably Flawed: The Patriarchal Wound

Picture this: we live in a society that tells women we are lacking. Well, not anymore! We’ve had enough of these shenanigans. Our savvy strategies to please and perform the perfect woman act were born out of a desire to be affirmed and deemed worthy. But let’s be real here, ladies. We all know the daily drill: smiling when we’re actually seething, nodding along when we want to yell “no!”, and bending over backward to meet everyone else’s needs while neglecting our own fabulous selves.

But fear not! The fashion revolution is upon us. It’s time to address the pain caused by the patriarchal wound. Unfortunately, our society is so fast-paced, it’s like trying to keep up with the latest fashion trends. We’ve internalized these oppressive beliefs about ourselves and unwittingly passed them down to our children. Not cool, patriarchy, not cool.

The Patriarchal Showdown: What You Need to Know

Now, hold your stylish handbags high, because we’re about to shine a spotlight on the sneaky ways the patriarchal wound shows up in our lives. Take a moment to ponder these deep fashion thoughts:

  • You should hide your true self if acceptance isn’t guaranteed. But darling, who needs acceptance when you can rock your unique and fabulous self?
  • Your value is only in relation to others. Well, let me tell you something, fashionista: you are more than just a sidekick in this grand fashion show we call life.
  • You must be better than other women to maintain your power. But why be better when we can be equal and celebrate each other’s fashion choices?
  • You must turn your anger inward. Honey, that doesn’t sound healthy at all. Embrace your anger, express it, and let it fuel your sassy fashion choices.

Do any of these beliefs sound familiar, my fashion-forward friends? If so, welcome to the club. You’re not alone, and trust me, it’s not you who’s the problem; it’s the faulty fashion system we live in. We deserve better.

Unleash Your Fashionable Fury: Healing Steps

Now, let’s dive into the secret formula for healing the patriarchal wound and unleashing your authentic self, so your children can do the same. Here are the steps that will lead you to fashion freedom:

1. Recognize the Fashion Frenzy

Listen closely to your inner fashion voice when it whispers in your ear. What does it say? It might sound something like this:

  • My mother sacrificed so much for me, so I owe her something in return. Darling, you owe no one anything except yourself.
  • Going your own way is selfish or disloyal. Let go of this outdated notion and embrace the fabulousness that is being yourself.
  • Doing what’s right for you might hurt your loved ones. But trust me, honey, they’ll get over it. Put yourself first and dazzle the world with your fashion-forward choices.
  • I am responsible for healing my mother’s pain. Woah, slow down there, fashion superstar. You can’t heal someone else’s pain, but you can heal your own.

2. Face the Fashion Foes

Just like a fabulous outfit, emotional wounds need some TLC. It’s time to face the pain head-on and allow yourself to get angry. Anger is a powerful fashion statement, my friends. Don’t suppress it; embrace it. Trust me, it’s better to release that fashion fury than to let it fester.

3. Celebrate Their Fashion Differences

Fashionistas, listen up! It’s time to celebrate the unique fashion styles of our children. We’ve grown up believing that closeness equals sameness, but oh, how wrong we were. Encourage your children to be their fabulous, authentic selves. Let them set boundaries, disagree, and turn down unwanted hugs. Trust their fashion instincts and encourage their individuality. This not only benefits them but also gives you the freedom to let your inner fashionista shine!

4. Fashionably Fulfilled

Now, let’s get real about our needs. As fashionable women, we’ve been known to subjugate our needs. But not anymore! It’s time to recognize what we need, my glamorous friends. Ask yourself:

  • What did I need when I was little that I had to deny?
  • How can I give those needs to myself or find others who can meet them?
  • How do I feel when my needs are met?

Embrace your needs, and don’t be afraid to lean into them. It’s time to fill your fabulous lives with everything you deserve.

Fashion Rebirth: The Takeaway

Ladies and gentlemen, it’s time to rewrite the fashion rulebook. You can be both empowered and loved. Rock the boat, disagree, be angry, and be true to yourself. Unlearn the notion that you need to hide your true emotions to receive love. This, my fashionistas, is an invitation to unleash your inner diva, honor your true self, and heal the hidden wound that holds you back. Embrace what is real and true for you, and let your fashion revolution begin.

Now, my fashion-forward readers, it’s your turn to share your thoughts. How do you navigate the world of fashion and the patriarchal wound with your children? Let’s start a fabulous discussion in the comments below!